lost it deliberately
by indiangal
Summary: i love him and he doesnt even know me.what am i supposed to do? ..but an event forced her to make him suffer....
1. Default Chapter

Hi, I am so sorry I don't update my stories but I just got this idea for a story. Loosely based on me and my 'crush' story, this story promises to be a good one.

Chapter 1: a sorry

Syaoran just reached his home, switched on his answering machine.

"You have 1 message waiting for you" the electronic voice said.

"Sakura, here" the sweet yet sad voice caught his attention and he stopped. Staring at the answering machine, he listened.

"Want to meet you, will be waiting for you at Penguin Park at 5"

He checked his watch; it was 15 minutes past 5. He still had time.

……………

She stood waiting for him to arrive. What if he hadn't received her message? She was leaving tonight and she wanted to apologise.

Her auburn hair flew with the wind as her face remained practically emotionless and she stood staring at her shoes when she heard him coming.

"Hi" he answered, panting heavily.

She looked up and her eyes met his.

Her eyes, full of remorse and his' full of hope.

"So..." he said, not knowing what to say. Too many questions on his mind but too less words to convey them.

She turned around; she could not look directly in his eyes and say. It needed more courage than she ever had.

"Syaoran, i am sorry" tears welled up in her eyes but she knew how to control them, she always had controlled it.

"I am sorry? What do you mean by that? Is this all?" infuriation sounded clearly in his voice.

"I am sorry" she repeated.

_Beauty king of only fifteen  
he had some trouble with herself  
she was always there to help him  
he always belonged to someone else_

At this, he caught hold of her arm and turned her around. His hands firmly clasping her arm, his eyes burning with anger.

She winced at this sudden action. Her eyes closed, she couldn't say anything.

"Why are you doing this to me? Why? What have i done wrong? Why me? Sakura?"

"You're hurting me" were her words.

"I want to know the reason...the reason for which you did all this...why we ended up like this"

"You want to know the reason but it's a very long story, very long story"

"I'll give you my lifetime, but i want to know it"

"You won't understand the logic, you won't understand the reasons"

"I don't care" he grunted.

"Leave my hand" she stated clearly.

His hands left her arm.

"Listen" she took out a diary from her bag. When she opened it, a dried flower of poppy fell on the ground. She picked it up lightly and kept it back on the page where it belonged.

She sat down, legs crossed and her back took the support of the cherry blossom tree under which the scene was taking place. He following her suit sat down facing her.

"Remember, 19th November 2004?"

"19th?"

She starts reading her diary entry.

"19th November, 2004.

Dear diary,

You won't believe what happened today. It was all so unprecedented but it just happened. I'm in love. And I'm not joking. I don't know why but it's all so clear...I'm in love. Today i went to st. Gabriel's academy's annual function. You know that guy who comes at Sara aunt's tuitions, the one that daidouji talked about, he was there. And i don't know why but i think I'm in love with him. Gosh, it feels so cool. I mean i just couldn't help but glance sideways where he was and no matter how easy it was to engage myself with others, i just couldn't help but notice him. It's so clear...i got a crush on you.

Now you remember?"

"19th that was the annual fest, ya I remember."

She looked at him with hopeful eyes.

"Wait a minute, you mean that guy was me? But you didn't know me and neither did i know you. How can you fall in love with me?"

"Hurry up, there are some seats there." sakura hurried over to the seats reserved for their school. Her friend's chiharu, rika and naoko sat to her left and tomoyo to her right.

"He's there" Tomoyo giggled.

"Who is where?" sakura asked her.

"See Syaoran, he's there"

"C'mon tomoyo, can you please do me a favour of thinking beyond Syaoran"

"No" she replied her eyes scanning the guy 'Syaoran'.

"Cut it off tomoyo. I thought we were here to see the function and not guys."

"Ok, ok sakura. But look at him he's so cute."

"Forget it"_ but somehow i followed tomoyo's gaze and well my eyes landed on a...cute guy. I was just acquainted with who he was, but never met him personally. And no matter how much i tried, i couldn't help but notice that he was indeed cute._

_I mentally slapped myself. C'mon he was Syaoran; i had seen him umpteenth times but now such a sudden interest. Gosh, something's wrong with me. Something's so wrong with me._

_But he is damn cute...look at him._

_Forget it._

While her insides kept waging at war, sakura could feel the need to clap her hand to her forehead again and again.

But suddenly there was another urge, the urge to see the guy...again and again.

"Sakura?" tomoyo waved her hand before sakura's eyes.

"Looks like we lost her" naoko stated.

"Earth to sakura" tomoyo said.

"Huh?" sakura was out of her reverie.

"Lost in thoughts of someone" tomoyo teased her.

"Shut up, tomoyo, I don't fantasize about guys" sakura suddenly got on her defence.

"Oh, we didn't know that" tomoyo lips curved in a big 'o'.

And sakura just plain rolled her eyes.

_Sakura, you're in love. _

"What?" she cried out loud, surprised at her own thoughts.

"Hey, what happened?" tomoyo and all looked at her if she were an alien.

"Nothing" she went crimson.

And her friends started laughing.

"Stop it, naa" sakura protested.

………….

Time went past and she didn't even realize.

………….

"We all appreciate your kind presence at our function and now we request you to stand up for the national anthem" the host said.

At last, the function had ended.

After they sang the national anthem, sakura and the gang went to the parking lot to retrieve their bicycles.

It was crowded but sakura managed to get out before everyone else.

She had to wait outside. So she stood on the side while groups of people were walking past her.

And well, she again saw him. Cycling past her, he didn't notice her. But she did. And again felt her heart beat quicken like anything.

…………….

"Touya, I'm home" sakura barged in while her brother was preparing dinner.

"So how was the function" touya asked her as she sat down on the sofa.

"It was nice" sakura replied dreamily. "It was cool"

…………………………

_I love you, I just cant believe it………..i know this is just a crush but it feels so cool from day one. I mean this is so clear, so cool. What should I do? Just can't get you out of my head. Your amber eyes…..they were so cool….so nice. Oh god, I'm in love, this is so cool, so damn cool, ultra cool!_

………………….

"It was love…love can happen anywhere. Why do you try to find logic in everything?" sakura replied.

……………………..

so I know this isn't a hotshot, meant to be on top kind of story but I wanted to write it because it speaks of me……….though not the entire storyline but the beginning does.

life's not always chocolates and candies,

sakshi (that's my name!)


	2. told someone

Thanks for your reviews.

I would like to acknowledge someone who signed his/her review as "anonymous": your language is same as mine. It's Hindi, right? I would like to know you better.

……….

chapter 2: told someone

Sitting in the same park, in the same way, sakura decided to continue her story.

The only word that would describe Syaoran the best was dumbfounded. He could not believe that sakura was in love with him, even though she didn't know him, never met him. How was that possible? But no one could reason with her.

"December 5, Saturday, 2004.

Dear diary, for the past days, I just can't bring myself to admit that I am in love with him. I mean, half the time I keep thinking about him but how is it possible that I might love him.

I have had crushes…but never before did I feel like this?

But the most important thing was that I told tomoyo that I have a crush on him."

………………………

sakura ran downstairs, and was just about to walk out for her home with her dog, kero when Fuji taka interrupted her.

"sakura, are you going somewhere?"

"yeah, dad. Taking kero out for a walk." She answered.

"Remember, we have to go for a wedding reception."

"Sure. Dad"

She walked out of her home and as she walked on the pavement, her heart skipped a beat.

He was standing there, on Sara aunt's porch.

_Oh god, that guy is so damn cute. _

Although, she would love to, but sakura never stared at him directly….more out of shyness than anything else. He at the other hand did see her but their eyes never met.

In a way, it was good for sakura. Who knows she might have a heart attack if he notices her 'noticing' him.

Just seeing him, made her feel like she was in heaven. It was a crush but it was so similar to love that even Aphrodite would get confused.

_Oh god...i wish he knew me! He's so cool._

He used to come with two of his friends at Sara aunt's for tuitions. And consider it her misfortune that his two friends may look at her but he never paid her any attention. He did see her but whenever she was around, his eyes never left the ground.

_pehla nasha pehla khumaar (first intoxication, first spirit)_

_naya pyaar hai, naya intezaar (new love, new longing)_

_kar loon kyaa main apna haal (what should i do about my condition)_

_ae dil-e-bekraar (oh restless heart)_

_mere dil-e-bekraar (my restless heart)_

_tu hi bata (you only tell me)_

it did irritate her but simple little things about him, kept her fondness for him constant.

there were times when she would be in despair that there's no "possibility" of any "proximity" but sometimes she would be singing songs and humming to herself and thinking about him.

she even had dreams about him, which was the first she ever dreamt about her crush.

she came back home and immediately plugged on her computer.

she connected to internet and opened her messenger.

'carpy' was online.

_sakura1989: hie_

_carpy: hi smarty/ how are you?_

_sakura: on cloud no. 9_

_carpy: seen him again? _

_sakura: yeah. oh carpy he's cute, so sweet._

_carpy: yeah i know. you keep saying the same._

_sakura: but that's the fact._

carpy was her online friend. she shared everything with him. and most of the time he had been her counsellor

_carpy: ok so is it love or just a simple crush?_

_sakura: i don't know its' just that it feels like love but i have never talked to him. i mean i just don't know. _

_carpy: hmmm_

_sakura: now what is this 'hmmmm'? i hate it._

_carpy: see...don't be upset._

_sakura: you know i always kept crushes as something which would make me happy but now..._

_carpy: don't let that feeling come to you understand? someday he's going to be mesmerised by you._

_sakura: when will that day come?_

_carpy: it will_

_sakura: i hope it'll be soon. I'll have to wait._

_carpy: it'll. there are other ways. a bit more err...seemingly out-a-the-way ones _

_Sakura: what are the out-a-way ones?_

_carpy: well. you know...approaches planned to look like co-incidences ...they work better than the direct ones. almost always...well...atleast we guys do that_

_sakura: but it's a girl who's supposed to be the planner this time_

_carpy: like your kero can accidentally run into your neighbour's compound 'coincidentally' just when ' specific' person comes in sight there_

_sakura: ya but it'll take me 10 hrs to catch doggie_

_carpy: and of course you will go there to get kero back. naughty kero..._

_carpy: well may be the specific person seeing your plight may come to rescue..._

_sakura: or he may be scared to death on sight of a dangerous (supposedly) dog_

_carpy: then you can reassure him ...you know. get to his rescue instead...it would work both ways_

_carpy: and ohhh...what a blessing if kero bites him...it would be your moral responsibility to take him to the doctor...and he would have to come to watch kero regularly for 14 days..._

_carpy: so even calamities are in your favour_

_sakura: you are so smart_

_carpy: anyway take the last part as 'just kidding' _

_carpy: well...what matters are that our kero is smart and goes in the right direction_

_carpy: may be you can give him some training on that_

_Sakura: you know you're so right in when u're kidding_

_sakura: doggie is smart _

_carpy: nice doggie_

_sakura: ya_

_carpy: i think this can work_

_sakura: which one?_

_carpy: its not that you have to approach him. Its just that you have to make him understand that you can be approached...that's the trick_

_sakura : how?_

_carpy : well. an occasional smile ..an accidental glance. those sorta things_

_carpy ;let him come to your rescue as i said.._

_carpy : and that's how it's going to be_

_sakura : 'dog loose in neighbour's compound plan'?_

_carpy: yeah_

_sakura : umm i can't do that , it's very risky_

_sakura : doggy on loose is very risky_

_carpy: and 'naughty-doggies, helpless-owner' plan too_

_carpy: why_

_sakura : he can run anywhere, can bite anyone_

_carpy: naa...he wont' bite him...he sees him daily just like you.._

_sakura : c'mon, he gets very angry with me. i am sure something bad would happen_

_carpy :is he that 'freak-out' kind_

_sakura :who_

_carpy:your kero_

_sakura : ya , old age is getting to him._

_carpy: ohh_

_carpy: oh...doesn't' matter...just throw your basket ball into their compound at the right moment. you can even consider targettting your target himself with it_

_carpy: that would put more effect _

_carpy : even let you give him an explanation and conversation would automatically follow_

_sakura: if it really hits him hard, he may even faint_

_sakura: I've gotta go._

_carpy: bye_

in the evening, sakura had to attend a wedding.

She hated going to wedding. They are so boring. But this time, she had a friend at the reception- tomoyo was there too.

"Hey tomoyo" sakura cried out when she saw tomoyo standing alone in the midst of people chatting to themselves.

"saku, I thought I'd die of boredom" tomoyo ran upto her.

"Me too. Thank goodness, you are here." Sakura said "let us sit down there"

They chose a cornered location to sit and talk.

"Tomoyo, I need to tell you something." Sakura said quietly.

"Yeah?" tomoyo said.

"I got a crush on Syaoran" sakura said, her eyes not leaving the table and her face pink.

"What? I can't believe this." Tomoyo was wide-eyed.

"I couldn't believe till I felt that the feeling kept nudging me"

"Whoa, wait. Meiling too has a crush on him and they are so good friends."

"So………what can I do? You can't stop me from (ahem) loving him" sakura stated.

…………………………..

This chapter is kind of boring but …….

Special thanks to carpathean03 a.k.a. carpy and dabbu (my dog) a.k.a kero

Life's not always chocolates and candies

Sakshi


End file.
